Prior to the awards I had troubling weeks and months. From being Nominated for an International Reggae and World Music nominee for the first time, second woman in Mutabaruka category and possible the youngest person. I had naturally hoped to win to join the legendary Cherry Natural as the second woman to capitulate this honour and as also a big fan of Mutabaruka. I went all out and when I received my letter that I was nominated and I should submit my acceptance video if I was accepted. This gave me a push. After not winning I was a bit sad but I was not deterred by the next day I was okay. I am not someone who holds on to disappointment. I am an optimist, yes! I am a realist too but I always believe I just need to try harder and put in more work and also whatever you should get you will get it. I also believe my mission is youth empowerment and activism so accolades are bonus but not the motivation.
Long after the above account other events such as storm/wave of Grace that left my community gashing with live wires lying on road to high and low voltage in houses. Scary. For 3 days without electricity had my family very frustrated due to the food items in fridge. No one wants their food to spoil.
It was not long after in the other week light went again. Apparently, in another community the transformer burst and while the crew working on that chipped our electricity. It was couple weeks after I was gearing up to celebrate mom’s birthday. On her day I had to confront my neighbour who built in the water way and insist we be the solution to the problem he created. He wanted to hit our wall but my mom told him that it was not her problem. While I confronted him, after going inside I immediately began to vomit and became ill right there. It was whole day of nightmare but 2 days I had recovered. Then day after my mom reveal she was concerned. No not covid!!! It was the whole ordeal of confronting this neighbour a long list and years of abuse of several of the clique members. I got tired and I guess my body reacted. I rarely get ill but when I do I know something trigger it. I am very close to my mom and hate injustice and abuse.
Well the week after was the big day. In the morning of September 5th I read psalm 146 in online church and by 2pm onwards watching the National Spoken word awards live in Chicago on Face book. I was enjoying the show until my category came up when I heard my mispronounce name (Antonia Valaire) lol it was an honour. I had won it last year and I was shocked but I was also a bit surprise again because of the strong competition. From Ike Boat in Ghana a multiple award -winning Poet and host and man of many hats to Wise Wurdz a friend and mentor and recent International Reggae and World Music nominee and known dub poet to P.O.E.T family Ras Takura host of DisPoem festival, well travelled performer and 2x International Reggae and World Music winner and Sarabita awardee.
You can imagine my elation and surprise and vindication of what happened in previous weeks. Awards do not make you happy but it is consolidation to your journey. It can brighten your day and inspire a generation, community and family. It pushes you to continue more in your journey. When your peers recognize your hard work it is beautiful and you can only be humble and grateful.
It has not been an easy feat or easy year for the world. I used the time and space to write and submit videos and I even started my Verandah conversations on Face book. I also await my grades from Vocational Training Development Institute in level 3 Entrepreneurship. I am still sending out resumes to companies to gain employment. Poetry is my love and passion but there is more to me and I want to help myself, contribute to nation building and help my family.